I have evil neighbours.  Well, they are not all evil, but 2 out of 3 of them are.  The other ones are really nice and I wish they would invite me over for dinner.

Neighbour #1- A couple who take up TWO parking spaces, when I get none.  Not that I have a car, but people who visit me do and I would like to use one once in a while.  They are always fighting, but about boring things.  He doesn’t like things she cooks, or he works too much and other such things.  How mundane.  When I stand in the hallways listening to yelling I want juicy gossip not same old, same old.  The male half of this couple owns the Mr.Sub above which I reside, but staunchly refuse to patronize.  The reason for this is because one time, he accused me of using his Mr. Sub dumpster (which I did NOT), took a big bag of garbage and put it right in front of my door.  How. Rude.  I am not a very confrontational person, but this spurred me to knock on his door and tell him off.  It felt good.

Neighbour #2- Crotchety old chain smoker lady.  This woman has lived in her apartment for 25 years.  That is a very long time to live in a bachelor apartment, and also a very long time to be filling it with smoke.  I’m not even joking, the smell of smoke comes through the wall I share with her and then I spray Febreeze on it.  I rarely see her, and when I do she gives me a dirty look I did nothing to deserve.  I can see in her kitchen window when I take Iris out to pee, and sometimes I try to sneak a peek, but I never get a good luck.  I don’t have too many other complaints, but the stink alone is enough.  Believe you me.

Neighbour #3- Nice Chinese family.  These neighbours are lovely, and they cook delicious smelling food that I wish I could be invited over to enjoy.  The run the convenience store across the street, and my bf is like totally their new bff.  They love him, and he always goes to their store and buys things that we need, like noodles and chapstick.  They have a very cute little baby who waves at me, and a son who plays the piano really well for his age (he’s like 8).

Those are my neighbours.  Welcome to my life.  If you’re ever in my area, please for my sake do not buy the rude man’s subs.  Please.

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